


Helping You Recover

by HayaMika



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mental After Effects of Torture, Takes place after Fire Across the Galaxy, after effects of torture, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-04-01 08:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4011967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HayaMika/pseuds/HayaMika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the group gets Kanan back and hopes to continue on with their usual, fight-the-empire life, a new obstacle gets in their way as Kanan begins to experience the after effects of what the Empire did to him during his capture. While he is out of commission, the crew must continue to fight as they usually do and also help him on his road to recovery. Mentions of shock torture and the after effects of it. (Medical research has been conducted before writing but as usual, will not always be 100% correct. Please remember this when reading!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Diagnosis

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place after Fire Across the Galaxy but before Seige of Lothal (Season 2's premiere episode). It is a light AU and its length will depend on what I see in Seige of Lothal. Everything I know about Season 2's premiere is because i have a few friends who managed to get to Celebrations.
> 
> And as stated in my summary, I did prior research about electrical shock and its after effects. I am not a doctor and the internet is not always reliable so some of the medical stuff within this story will not be totally correct. I have done my best to get the best and most accurate information as I could, though.
> 
> Thank you to my friend, amazonkama, for beta reading this first chapter!

“Ow…” Kanan breathed out as Hera carefully helped him remove his shirt. She maneuvered it slowly up and over his head off his arms and discarded it onto a table. Hera continued to help Kanan, as he needed it, until he was stripped to nothing but a pair of shorts. She watched as he tiredly laid down on his bunk, basically sinking into it, eyes closed and body heavy as he relaxed himself for sleep.

 

Hera picked up his clothes from the table, hoping to wash them after this whole ordeal. She moved his boots next to his bed, placing them closer to the foot of it so he would not trip on them when he woke up.

 

“You need anything?” Hera asked, kneeling down next to him and running her hand carefully through his now untied hair.

 

“Is everyone else ok?” He asked groggily, voice quiet.

 

“Yes, they are fine. Ezra, Zeb and Sabine have all since crashed. I checked on them before I came to help you.” Hera rubbed her thumb on Kanan’s cheek before untangling her fingers from his hair. He let out a quiet sigh. She stood up, resituated the clothes in her arms and made her way to the door.

 

“Call for me if you need anything ok?” Hera said, looking back at Kanan. There was no response except for a small snore as Kanan got his well-deserved rest. Hera smiled before turning to leave the room.

 

She carried his clothes to the refresher, placing them in the sink. In a small cabinet above the sink, she pulled out a bottle of cleaner, carefully pouring some of the soapy liquid onto Kanan’s clothes. Because of there being no room for any kind of washing machine on the ship, if they needed to clean their clothes they often just cleaned them in the sink. Quick and easy.

 

She removed her gloves and turned the water on to fill the sink. Once the sink was filled, she turned off the water and began scrubbing at the clothes.  Hera let her mind wander, wondering what had happened to Kanan while he was in the Empires grasp. He hadn’t told her much after they landed on Lothal and after Ahsoka left she didn’t prod him for the information. She continued to scrub his clothes, ridding them of the sweaty odor that had stained them in the few days he was with the Empire.

 

Once she was sure they were clean, she drained the water and rung the clothes out, hanging them on a small metal towel rack to dry. She grabbed her gloves before exiting the refresher and made way over to her room.

 

The door to her cabin opened and she entered, placing her gloves on a small table that was built into the wall. She then removed her headphone goggles, placing them with her gloves. Next she removed her boots, placing them next to the door and out of the way.  Once she finished removing the rest of her outer clothing and stripped down to a pair of shorts and a tank top, she climbed the ladder to her bunk and laid down.

 

A sigh of relief escaped her for more than one reason. First of all, with the little sleep she’s gotten in the past couple days, she was more than happy to get a nice long rest. And second of all, she was relieved that Kanan was home, asleep and recovering from this whole ordeal. Both she and her crew can all rest in peace knowing that everyone is safe and sound… As she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, she promised herself that she would never, ever listen to Kanan in a situation like this again. Nobody is ever going to be left behind again.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hera!”  Yelled a muffled voice. Hera’s eyes opened sleepily and she sat up and tried to decipher whom it was that yelled for her. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes with one of her hands, she looked down to the door and saw Ezra standing there, still clad in the pair of shorts and a t-shirt that he usually wore to sleep.

 

“What is it Ezra?” Hera asked, sitting up into a hunched over position so that she wouldn’t hit her head on the top of her bunk.

  
  
“Kanan fell over… He said he had lost feeling in his legs…” Ezra said, worriedly.

 

“What??” Hera quickly maneuvered herself out of her bed and down the ladder. Ezra moved out of her way as she went out of the room.

 

“Where is he?” She asked.

 

“In the common room.” Ezra replied, following the worried Twi’lek to the common room. When the two of them arrived, they found Sabine and Zeb sitting on the couch by the game table with Kanan, who was sitting with his hand on his head.

 

Sabine moved out of the way so Hera could sit next to Kanan.

  
“What happened, Kanan?” She looked him over, checking for any bumps or bruises that may have occurred because of his fall.

  
  
“Well one second I was walking ok but as I turned to enter the common room to get something to drink from the kitchen, my legs spazzed out. Sharp pain and then they went numb for a little bit. Thankfully Ezra came to see what happened…”

  
  
“I was awake and I heard a small thump and a yell so I thought I’d check on what happened…” Ezra said, standing next to the table across from Kanan and Hera.

 

“Do you still feel numb? Is there any more pain?” Hera asked, looking down at Kanan’s legs.

 

“I feel fine now. My feet still feel a little numb but other than that I’m ok…” Kanan said, wiggling his toes a little bit in an attempt to try to regain feeling in them.\

 

Hera sighed as her eyes moved from Kanan’s legs to his hands.

  
  
“Are you having similar feelings elsewhere?” Hera asked, grabbing hold of one of Kanan’s hands and looking at it.

  
  
“No, nothing but my legs have spazzed out like that,” Kanan said, watching Hera’s smaller hands rub and feel over his larger ones, “It just felt like a wave of pain in my leg. I fell over because of how sudden it was, and the numbness didn’t help me when I wanted to get up.”

 

 Hera paused for a few seconds before letting out a quiet breath.

  
  
“What did they do to you?” She asked, green eyes looking up into light teal.

  
  
“Well besides the mind probes and interrogation, electric shock. The only reason they didn’t go to hard on me with it was because Tarkin didn’t want me dead.” Kanan said, looking away from Hera’s stare.

  
  
Hera felt her eyes tear up a bit at what Kanan had gone through for them, what he had gone through to keep them safe. She pulled herself back, holding the tears down and clearing them from her eyes. Hera looked up at Ezra, who looked as equally as upset, but he was holding himself together better than she was.

  
  
“Well, electric shock can cause a variety of side affects,” Sabine said, looking towards Hera, “I wouldn’t be surprised if muscle pain and numbness is one of them…”

 

Hera intertwined her fingers with Kanan’s, trying to comfort both herself and him.

 

“We will have to do some research… Fulcr- I mean – Ahsoka, might be able to help us out, maybe even get treatment for you, Kanan,” She said, looking towards him, “But first, lets get you back to your room. I don’t want you falling again.” Hera stood up, still holding onto Kanan’s hand.

 

The group helped Kanan up, then Zeb and Hera walked the ex-Jedi back to his room. He sat down on his bunk and, right before he laid down, his padawan came in with a cup of water.

 

“You said you were thirsty and that’s why you got up… figured you might still want it?” Ezra said, handing the cup to Kanan.

 

“Thank you, Ezra” Kanan said. He was about to take a sip of it, but suddenly his hand began to cramp, pain shooting from the tips of his fingers all the way up his arm. He yelled out, the cup falling from his hands its contents spilling out onto the metal floor. He quickly grabbed his wrist with his other hand, letting out a loud yelp of pain and ignoring the water that now pooled at his feet.

 

“Kanan!” Ezra yelled as Hera moved forward to try and help Kanan in some way. Kanan’s eyes were squeezed shut, teeth clenched as he gripped his wrist hard. Hera looked lost, unknowing of what to do.

 

After about a minute of confusion from pretty much everyone, Kanan’s pain stopped, leaving behind a numb, tingling feeling in his fingers.

 

“That’s what happened with my leg…” Kanan said, examining his hand.

 

Hera put her hand out and looked towards Kanan. She nodded towards his hand and he nodded back, putting his hand out. She took his hand and began to look over it, rubbing her fingers around his palm. She sighed.

 

“Lets contact Ahsoka… She may be able to help us…”

 

* * *

 

Hera and her crew (minus Kanan who was told to stay in his bunk) got themselves dressed and put together by the time Ahsoka arrived. She arrived with Bail Organa who had Medical Droids that could help examine Kanan.

 

“Its definitely electric shock,” Said the Medical Droid, “Common symptoms of electric shock include numbness, tingling, muscle pain and damage, burns at the point of contact, cardiac arrest and other problems with the heart or brain. The spasms can cause bone damage if strong enough. There are no visible burns and it doesn’t look as if your muscle spasms are harsh enough to cause any bone damage.”

  
“I’m guessing whatever the Empire used on you they did it for long periods of time at low voltage, or they just didn’t want you dead.” Ahsoka said, looking from the medical droid to Kanan, who was sitting up in his bunk.

 

“A little bit of both,” Kanan started, “I don’t know how long they’d shock me for… I blacked out a few times during the shocks.”

 

“Is there anything we can do for him?” Hera asked, standing up straight from her leaned position next to the door.

 

“There’s no real treatment for nerve and muscle damage other than just letting it heal,” Stated the Medical Droid, “I can give you some medicine to help with the pain, but other than that he just needs to rest and heal.”

 

“So basically I’ll be no help at all?” Kanan asked, voice low.

 

“You’ll still be able to help with mission plans, but nothing more than that…” Hera said, moving to sit next to Kanan on his bunk. She rubbed his bare back with one of her gloved hands, “Don’t worry, all of us will help you through this.”

 

Kanan sighed, leaning back into his bed. The next few missions will depend on the rest of the crew. Hera would go on as many as she could, but special ones that require a quick escape will mean Hera would have to stay back on the ship, leaving Ezra, Sabine and Zeb on their own. Kanan knew the crew was capable, but didn’t like the risks it involved.

 

But they would do it, one way or another.


	2. Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan is given some medication for his pain, but nothing more can be done except rest. Hera tries to comfort Kanan about the whole situation but he is thrown into a memory from the past few days...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired and I wanted to get this chapter up before I went to bed so nobody has Beta'd this chapter yet. So please excuse any mistakes that may have been made throughout this chapter. They will be edited once my Beta reader can read them! Its also relatively short and sort of a filler chapter... I promise there will be more next chapter! And thank you in advance for reading!

“Here are the meds,” Said the Medical Droid as it placed a small bottle of pills in Hera’s hands, “One pill when he feels pain. Should relive him of pain for about six hours. No more than four times a day. Its written on the bottle.”

 

“Thank you. And thank you, Ahsoka,” Hera said, looking from the droid to the Togrutan standing next to it, “Please tell Bail I said thank you for letting us use one of his med Droids.”

 

“I will. I hope Kanan’s recovery goes well. I wish you luck.” Ahsoka put a hand on Hera’s shoulder before turning and leaving with the Medical Droid out the front hatch of the Ghost and out into the grasslands of Lothal. Once Hera saw Ahsoka and the droid enter Bail’s ship and take off, she closed up the hatch and went to tend to Kanan.

 

Hera found Kanan sitting up in his bunk, hunched over so he won’t hit his head.  He was sitting cross-legged and facing the wall at the foot of the bunk. It looked like he was trying to meditate. Hera was about to turn back out of the door so she wouldn’t disturb him, but a voice kept her where she was.

 

“Hey,” Kanan said, turning his head to look at Hera.

 

“How are you feeling?” Hera said, walking over towards Kanan.

 

“I’ve had better days…” Kanan said, rubbing his hands along his crossed legs.

 

Hera smiled sadly. She slipped off her boots, taking a seat across from Kanan, facing him.  She crossed her legs and then took his hands in hers.

 

“We will get through this Kanan,” Hera rubbed her thumbs over the top of Kanan’s larger hands, “Yes, it’s a bump in the road but we’ve been through plenty of those.”

 

“But I’m useless sitting here. I can’t help with missions, I can barely stand up to go to the bathroom on my own without worrying that my legs or arms are going to cramp up or go numb,” Kanan said, looking down at his and Hera’s intertwined hands, “I’m just as useless now as I was when…” Kanan paused and looked away from Hera as he remembered what the Inquisitor told him back on the Imperial ship…

 

_“Tell me, Jedi… How did you survive Order 66? Hm?” The Inquisitor began tauntingly. Kanan felt his anxiety rise as he tried to keep the gruesome flashbacks down._

_“It was your master Billaba who laid down her life for yours. Do you remember her last word to you? Her last and final breath before she died?” The Inquisitor got closer with every sentence he let out. Kanan’s breathing quickened as he desperately tried to ignore the Inquisitors words._

_“You do, don’t you?” He added as Kanan tried to steady his breath._

_“You see it in your sleep…”_  
  
Kanan shook his head, as if the Inquisitors words would be shaken from his mind.

_“You hear her voice when you wake…”_

_Kanan squeezed his eyes shut in a fight with his tears._

_“Tell me Jedi, what was her last word to you?”_

_Silence fell upon the two for a moment…_

_“Run…” Kanan breathed out, the memories from that horrifying day beginning to seep into his mind._

_“And does your loyal and precious crew know you ran as your master fell?” The Inquisitor continued on despite how desperately Kanan wished he would stop, “Abandoned her and the Jedi Order when they needed you most?”_

_Kanan’s face grew grim, an anxious frown plastered on his face._

_“What do you think your Rebels would do if they knew their leader was a coward?” the Pau’an put together the pieces to Kanan’s lightsaber, igniting it as he continued, “You’re even afraid of your own power. You don’t have the courage to wear your Force saber out in the open.”_

_The Inquisitor swung the blue bladed saber in front of Kanan’s face. Kanan quickly pulled his head back, pushing it against the head rest behind him in an attempt to keep the blade from cutting his nose._

_“Let me tell you something, Jedi. You’re right to be afraid. You couldn’t save your Master then, and you can’t save your followers now.”_

_Kanan’s frown got tighter as the inquisitors words set in… He didn’t want to believe a word the Pau’an said…_

_He wasn’t a coward, right? He was only following his masters orders… right?_

 

“Kanan?” Hera asked, looking into Kanan’s eyes. They were distant, locked in a memory that could have been one of two things. He didn’t even notice when Hera removed her hands from his.

 

“Kanan, do you read?” Hera asked once more, waving a hand in front of the ex-Jedi’s teal eyes. Kanan was shaken from his memory and brought back to the real world. He stared into Hera’s concerned, green eyes.

 

“Are you ok?” She asked, voice clam in tone.

 

“Yeah… I’m fine… just… sorting through some things in my head.” Kanan lied, not wanting to worry the Twi’lek with all the stuff he had gone through the past few days.

 

“You usually don’t space out like that… You sure you are ok?” Hera pushed a little further.

 

“I promise. I’m ok, Hera.” Kanan said, this time looking her in the eyes.

 

Hera dropped it, knowing not to push Kanan too far to quickly or else he will never open up to her.

 

A short silence fell upon the two, being broken by the sound of a loud yell and bang from outside in the hall.  
  
“Karabast… Chopper!” the deep voice of Zeb could be heard through the walls. Some thudding of footsteps and the mechanical laughter of Chopper could be heard not too long afterwords.

 

“You are going to clean this up!” Zeb said sternly. Chopper grumbled out some beeps.

 

Hera sighed, swinging her legs over the side of Kanan’s bunk.

 

“I better go see what’s going on.” Hera pulled her boots back on before standing up. She tapped the tips of the boots against the floor to readjust the fit before she walked over to the door. As the door opened, she turned to Kanan.

 

“Get some rest, love. The rest of the crew and I can handle things.” With that, she exited out the door. It quietly hissed shut behind her.

 

“What happened?” Hera’s voice could be heard from across the hall in Ezra and Zeb’s cabin.

 

“Chopper decided it would be a great idea to mess with the magazines in our room, again. He knocked down a project of mine with it…” Ezra said, holding a partially ripped magazine in one hand and a small handful of different metal pieces in another.

 

Chopper let out a few more laughing beeps before using his small little pincer hands to rip the magazine from Ezra’s grasp. He took off out the door and down the hallway towards the common room.

 

“Chopper!” Both Zeb and Ezra yelled, following after the small droid who was flailing the magazine in his hand.

 

Kanan could imagine Hera sighing softly and placing a hand on her temple. He chuckled a bit before readjusting himself into a laying position. He closed his eyes, allowing sleep to take him but not before the thought about how happy he was to be home went through his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright for the flashback goes to LucasFilms and Disney, as the Inquisitors lines belong to them. I only wrote out the descriptors myself.


	3. Unexpected Appearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan awakes after a nice rest to find an unexpected visitor aboard the Ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, this chapter is a little more violent than the previous two. Please take caution when reading.

The first thing Kanan noticed when he woke up was how quiet the ship was, as if all of its other occupants have left. The only sound that could be heard besides his shifting under a blanket he didn’t remember having before he fell asleep.

Against his better judgment he decided to try and stand up. He swung his legs carefully over the edge of his bunk and steadied his feet so he could stand up. He pulled himself up with the ladder to the top bunk, carefully so he wouldn’t pull any of his muscles harshly. He didn’t want to risk falling again if he could help it. 

As soon as he felt steady, he checked the clock for the time. 17:32, only a few hours till the sun set… It shouldn’t be this quiet on the ship right now. There is no way that this crew was this quiet unless they were all sleeping, and even then Copper is awake and fixing various things around the ship. 

Pushing that little bit of concern aside, he hobbled carefully towards the door and out of his cabin. He made a quick stop into the cockpit of the ship, hoping to find Hera and/or Chopper doing some maintenance work on the Ghost only to find the room vacant. Then he realized that everyone might have decided to go eat something so he went to check the Common room and Kitchen area.

As Kanan made his way to the Common room, a strong metallic smell began to fill the room. The ship often had a bit of a metallic smell, seeing as the ship was made almost entirely out of Durasteel and various other metals, but this was a lot stronger than usual. The first thing to pop into Kanan’s head was that Ezra and Chopper got into something, broke it and had to weld it back together to try and fix it…

As Kanan entered the common room, he almost fell back due to the smell.

Lying on the floor were the dead bodies of the ships resident muscle and artist. The metallic smell of blood entered Kanan’s nose in large quantities and he couldn’t figure out what made him more sick, the smell of the blood or the sight of Zeb and Sabine’s white, drained and lifeless eyes.

As he ran a hand through his tied hair, trying to figure out what he was going to do, he heard a small sound of someone yelling for help. His eyes turned to the Kitchen area, and he carefully maneuvered himself over the bodies of his two team mates and into the Kitchen. 

As the Kitchen door slid open, he had to hold onto the wall to keep himself from falling. Lying there as dead as Sabine and Zeb, was his young Padawan Ezra. His eyes were glazed over, lifeless. There was a stab wound through his chest. There was no blood, hinting to Kanan that he was probably stabbed with a Lightsaber of some kind. 

On the other side of the room, leaned up against the wall, was Hera. One of her Lekku was half missing, probably cut off by the same saber that killed his Padawan. Small movements with her mouth and eyes clued Kanan in on the fact that she was not dead yet, but was severely close to being dead. Tears streamed down her cheeks, making trails in the blood that stained them. Her left leg has several gun shot wounds in it, along with a few painful gashes up and down her arms and chest, most of them still oozing blood. Her gloved hands were covered in the sticky red liquid, probably due to her trying to stop the wounds from bleeding.

“Ka…” Hera tried to call for Kanan, but the words died on her tongue. Kanan moved forward into the room, letting out a small, shaky breath as he stepped over Ezra’s body. He knelt down next to Hera, taking one of her bloodied hands in his. Hera carefully moved her head to face him, a small smile on her lips. It died off quickly though as she tried to tell Kanan something.

“Ka…. Ka-” Hera tried to move forward a bit to try and get closer to Kanan but she quickly fell back against the wall again.

“N-No… Hera, save y-your energy… P-please…” Kanan said, his grip tightening on her smaller hand. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, but he quickly sucked them back to try and appear strong. 

Hera stared into Kanan’s eyes, dazed and confused before her face hardened slightly.

“T-the….” She started, breathing becoming labored and making her speech slur, “In… Inquisit…” Hera’s voice hitched and she grew silent… Her eyes rolled back and her body grew limp as all of what was left of her life vanished from her physical being.

“No…n-no…” Kanan repeated over and over, grabbing hold of Hera’s slim shoulders in an attempt to try and wake her.

A small sob escaped his lips as he pulled the Twi’leks dead body close, embracing it without worrying about how much blood he was now covered in. He went into this life hoping to make things better, to never suffer the same loss as he had with his Master. He was alone again, something he never thought he’d have to experience once more. He didn’t know what he was going to do…

Seconds later his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a lightsaber igniting. He quickly turned his body to the side to look behind him, never letting go of Hera’s lifeless body.

“You….” Kanan growled out as he was met with the face of the Inquisitor, “I thought you were killed.”

“There were many things you thought that haven’t come true. Like how you thought that you could save your precious Rebel friends… But here they are, dead and rotting just like your Master…” The Inquisitor took small steps forward, getting closer and closer to Kanan. Kanan backed up as much as he could, still huddling Hera’s body to him as if she could protect him.

“Now you have nobody else to die for you…” The Inquisitor continued, “What are you going to do now?”

Kanan continued to stare into the Inquisitors yellow eyes, truly unsure of what he was going to do.

“No ideas? How about one of these options; you can stay alive and pledge your allegiance to the Empire and to the Dark Side of the force or I can kill you now and allow you to suffer the same fate as your precious crew.”

Kanan’s face hardened as he stared into the Inquisitors eyes.

“I’d rather die than pledge allegiance to a corrupted system of the weak hearted.”

The Inquisitor smiled.

“Suit yourself…”

Kanan woke up before the Inquisitor could swing his lightsaber.


	4. Please Stop Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan was startled awake from his horrible nightmare and Hera wishes Kanan wouldn't hide his pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are probably all kinds of errors littered through this chapter. I've had horrible writers block for the past month and for me it just doesn't affect my ability to create ideas but also causes me to have issues with getting basic ideas onto paper. This is also the reason for why its so short.
> 
> I'll have my friend read it tomorrow when I'm not so tired. So for now, please enjoy the chapter despite its errors.

Kanan jolted up, letting out a small yell and almost hitting his head on the bunk above him. After rubbing his hand through his untied hair he put his head in his hands, shaking slightly as he tried to rid that nightmare from his head. Tears began to well up in his eyes at how real the nightmare felt, how he swore he could even still feel the wet, sticky blood on his body from Hera’s open wounds.

 

“Kanan? Are you alright? I heard a yell and thought you might be having another—“ Hera stopped as she spotted Kanan hunched over, face in his hands and shaking.

 

“Kanan what wrong?” Hera asked, quickly moving from her spot at the door over next to Kanan’s bunk.

 

Kanan was quick to respond, rubbing the tears from his eyes with the palms of his hands and composing himself to look up at the worried Twi’lek pilot.

 

“I’m fine Hera, it was nothing.”

 

“It sure didn’t sound like nothing with that yell you let out…” Hera said, kneeling down next to the bunk and placing one of her hands on Kanan’s shoulder.

 

“I promise Hera, I’m fine… Nothing I couldn’t handle…” Kanan said, turning to swing his legs over the side of the bunk, “I need to eat something soon…” Kanan said, ready to stand and make his way to the kitchen area to at least grab a ration bar or something so fill is stomach.

 

“I can bring you something to eat, Kanan.” Hera said, putting her hands in front of Kanan to keep him from standing up. She didn’t want him to fall again and seeing how unexpected the pain and spasms were, she didn’t want to risk anything.

 

“Hera, I know I had a fall, but I can survive on my own.” Kanan said, proceeding to stand up. He took a step forward, almost expecting there to be a shot of pain going up his leg, but to his luck there was no pain at all. Hera didn’t respond to Kanan’s comment, she only watched as he found a clean, white baggy t-shirt on his side table and carefully pulled it over his head. He has been sitting around in nothing but a pair of shorts since they got back on the Ghost and while his crew didn’t mind, he did and wanted to cover up a little more.

 

Hera watched as Kanan pulled his shirt on and messily pulled his hair back, his movements slow but routine. Hera then followed Kanan, the pair of them leaving the room to head to the Kitchen.

 

Entering the Common Room, Kanan was greeted with a pair of deep blue eyes staring at him in confusion.

 

“Kanan? I thought you were supposed to be resting…” Ezra asked, staring up from a little contraption he was working on. Kanan sighed, rubbing his hand on his face.

 

“Resting doesn’t mean just being cooped up in bed. I just can’t go on missions with you guys.” Kanan said, looking towards Ezra.

 

“But what about the pain?” Ezra pieced together some small parts to his little project before looking back up at Kanan.

 

“I can handle a little bit of pain, Ezra.” Kanan said, turning back towards the door to the kitchen. Once he entered, he started looking around at what they had. A few bottles of milk, some rationbars… waffles…

 

He decided on the ration bar, as they were quick and easy. He sat down at the small kitchen table and began to nibble at the bar. He forgot how tasteless the things were. But when he was younger, this was all he really had on the field. Because of this, he learned to deal with their taste, or lack there of.

 

Moments after he started eating, Hera walked into the kitchen. She got herself some water and then took a seat across the table from Kanan.

 

The room was silent except for the chewing noises from Kanan.

 

“How do you feel Kanan?” Hera asked, breaking the silence between the two of them.

 

Kanan took another bite from his bar, chewing it slowly. He stared off at the kitchen counters, tired and kind of wanting to go back to bed.

 

“I feel fine. No pain.” He said as he finished off his bar. He moved to stand up, but Hera put a hand out to him, placing it on his own hand that he had placed on the table to help him get up.

 

“Kanan… please talk to me.” Hera gave him a look of worry. She wanted to make sure he was ok.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Hera. I promise I’m fine.” Kanan said, continueing to stand up. He tried to take his hand away from Hera’s, but she just held on tighter.

 

“Kanan, that yelp you made earlier wasnt nothing. What happened? Did you have more pain?” Hera asked, standing up herself to face Kanan. She looked at him, worry plastered on her thin face.

 

Kanan sighed, looking from Hera’s face down to their hands.

 

“It was a nightmare… It was nothing though I don’t really want to talk--“ Kanan said, sentence cut off by Hera.

 

“Kanan….” She warned. She didn’t like being intrusive, but from the 5 years they’ve lived together she learned that if she didn’t act a little intrusive Kanan would never talk to you about anything personal. And with the current situation, she needed to make sure he was going to be ok.

 

“…Fine…” Kanan sighed, “The Inquisitor showed up in my dream… He… He killed Zeb… and Sabine… and…” He stopped, his dream replaying in his mind.

 

Hera waited, her hands having found Kanan’s other hand. She held them both, rubbing her thumbs over the tops of them in a comforting manner. The feeling of Hera’s hands in his kept Kanan grounded.

 

“Ezra… He was dead too,” Kanan looked Hera in the eyes, “I… I found you half alive… you were trying to warn me… but then you…” Kanan squeezed Hera’s hands in his.

 

“Oh, Kanan…” Hera removed her hands from his, pulling him into a hug. He didn’t need to finish his sentence for her to know what happened.

 

“The dream felt so real… It felt like I lost everything again...” Kanan said, hugging Hera’s thin frame close to his body. Kanan felt his throat begin to grow tight, something blocking it. He pushed that feeling down, “Its ts not worth dwelling over, though..." He says as he pulls away from the hug, looking towards the door.

 

Hera looked at him, eyes pleading him not to close himself off. She knows he’s not the kind of person to dwell on sadness, even if its hard, but that worried her. But, despite her worry, she follows suit with Kanan, dropping the subject.

 

Kanan still had his hand intertwined with Hera’s hand, which was lacking their usual gloves, her skin feeling unusual against his. The skin-to-skin contact helped though, made him feel grounded. Reminded him that Hera is right here, that this is not a dream.

 

Kanan squeezed her hand, “I’m… gonna go back to my cabin.” He started.. “Still kind of tired.”

 

Hera smiled to him, squeezing his hand back as reassurance that he’s ok, “Ok, love.” Hera said.

 

Hera watched as Kanan quietly left the kitchen area, retreating back to his room.

 


	5. Stuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan wishes he could be of more help...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry its been so long since I added a new chapter. I got super busy after October since I got my first job. That and various other personal issues that I do not wish to disclose with the rest of the internet... ._.
> 
> ANYWAY~~ Here's the next chapter, albeit very short. I was about 2 hours early to work today and I had brought my tablet along with me so I quickly typed this up while I waited. This is very much a filler chapter and I can only hope that the next chapter will be a lot longer.
> 
> To anyone that stuck around for this, thank you for waiting. To anyone reading this and is new to this story, welcome!

Once Kanan made it back to his cabin, he decided that sleep wasn't going to be the best thing for himself right now. He wasn't going to lie, that dream really rattled him. And despite his usually calm, fearless nature, he couldn't help but let it rattle him.

He shook this thought from his head and sat down on his bunk, crossing his legs carefully and slowly, trying not to put too much work on his muscles. He started to notice that, the more he works himself, the higher the chance is that his muscles and body will tense up and react to the shock. So the slower he moves, the better. This didn't stop the pain though. All of his joints hurt, making moving super fast impossible to begin with.

He remembers the medicine he was given, looking over to his side table. The bottle sat there, still full. He didn't take any of them yet, wanting to save them for when he really needs them, when the pain becomes unbearable.

In his hunched over position, he started to meditate. Or at least tried to. He slowed his breathing, trying to let himself fall into a calming, meditative state. His mind wandered into light, everything calm and tranquil. He didn't personally know it happened, but he sighed, his shoulders slacking just a bit at the ease and comfort.

But, sadly, this only lasted for a bit of time before the Ghost suddenly rattled. He was shaken from his calm, looking around.

"Ezra, Zeb, Sabine!" Yelled Hera's voice over the Ghosts internal comm system, "Get to the guns! Tie fighters spotted us and are closing in overhead."

Kanan heard the clattering of footsteps out in the Cabin Hallway as everyone scrambled to their stations. He got himself up, carefully pulling himself from his bunk and over to the door. The ship began moving as Hera expertly lifted them off into the atmosphere.

"Chopper get yourself to the cockpit ASAP. And Kanan, before you ask, you should stay in your cabin." Hera commented over the comm, as if she read his mind. Kanan groaned. He found his comm on his side table.

"I can still help, you know. Its not like we are on a mission" He commented, trying to defend himself. He's not weak. Its not like his bones are broken and he needs to be stuck in his bed. He can still function enough to at least help on board the ship.

"Kanan, if you really want to help, then help us by staying in your cabin. Its just a few TIEs, the rest of us can handle this." Hera commed back. Before Kanan could respond, he noted that Hera had turned off the comm system. He groaned, sitting back down on his bunk. He listened to the sound of the ties around them as they entered space and the sound of the Ghosts nose, top and rear guns going off. Within the span of ten minutes, everything fell silent.

Kanan stood, carefully making his way over to his cabin door. Outside he heard the rest of his crew make their way through the hall. The cockpit door opened and Hera's voice filled the hall, "Whew... I guess we can't ever go back to that hiding spot now... Great job, everyone."

A small victory call arose from the rest of the crew before falling silent into the footsteps of them all going bout their own, personal tasks. Chopper zoomed out of the cockpit and down the hallway.

Kanan heard one last pair of feet make their way out of the cockpit. But, instead of these continuing down the hallway, they stopped right in front of Kanan's cabin door. Kanan stepped back a bit, and just as he did that the door to his cabin slid open.

Hera stood there in the door way, giving Kanan a comforting but mildly upset look.

"Kanan..." Hera said lightly, "I'm sorry to keep you stuck here, but its out of your very best interest to keep movement to a minimum. I... WE, don't want you to get hurt even more than you already are." She moved closer to him, quietly taking one of Kanan's hands into her own, now gloved, ones.

"I... I know you guys are worried but honestly I'm fine. My body has been fine so far today, no spasms yet!" Kanan said, tightening his grip of Hera's hands.

As if on cue, just to prove Kanan wrong, his hand clenched up in pain. Hera stared in shock, letting go of Kanan's hand as he pulled it to his chest. The pain subsided quickly, but oh how it hurt.

"You were saying?" Hera said, only letting a bit of seriousness fall into her tone. She smirked up at Kanan jokingly, letting Kanan know that she didn't believe him one bit about his pain form the start.

"Alright... Alright..." Kanan huffed out, "I'll stay in my cabin. But let it be known that I'm not happy about it at all. I don't want to be in here. I feel like I should still be contributing in some way cause I'm not crippled, I'm just dealing with some here and there pain."

"How about," Hera put her hands on his waist, "Instead of looking at this situation in a way that makes you feel like you aren't of any help, you look at it as you are being helpful by staying seated or at least in a position where you won't fall so, if something were to come up, we don't have to worry about you getting hurt any further?"

Kanan smiled. Hera always tried to find optimism in any situation.

"Alright. I'll try."

Hera smiled and pushed herself up onto her tip-toes, giving Kanan a small, quick kiss on the cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told ya it was short. uwu
> 
> I hope that the next chapter can AT LEAST be 2000 to 3000 words. I'll work to aim for that.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, reviews are very much appreciated and may the rest of your day be ever wonderful.


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